I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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