I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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