1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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