and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
