No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
