Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
