Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
