Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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