There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
