Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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