Do you still have your period?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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