My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
