Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize