There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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