is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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