He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
