Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
