I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
