Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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