Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
