I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we're so committed to being not committed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
