my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
