butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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