When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
