They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
