Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
