fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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