Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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