I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
