i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
