I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
me + whiskey = a bad person
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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