Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
