The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
