I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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