my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
