He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
