It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize