glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
