I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
