it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
