who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
