last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
