I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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