hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
