Small penises have feelings too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
