hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
