Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
