So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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