She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
