He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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