Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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