butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
