I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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