Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
