I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
is that a dick in a sweater?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
