Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
