marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
