He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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