just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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