on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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