that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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