I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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