He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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