so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Houston, we have a squirter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
