I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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