not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had sex on a roof
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
