i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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