Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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