Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
