my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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