Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
