Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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