I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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